Thursday, March 28, 2024
Laugh a LittleOpinion/Column

Two decades+ of terrifying fear – could it end this year?

Photo: Atomic Archive

If you paid too much attention to the mainstream media over the last 20 years, you might get the impression every single day is going to be just like the movie “Duel,” including the scorpions and the rattlesnakes.
YearFearWhat we were told could happen
1999Y2KAll computer technology will stop working when the calendar moves from 1999 to 2000; nuclear plants will explode and planes will fall out of the sky.
2000E-Coli in the water supplyIt happened in Walkerton, Ontario. It could happen here. 
2001September 11Terrorists flew a plane into the twin towers in New York; this could happen in your town. This could happen anywhere. Any flight you take, on any day, could be hijacked and flown into a plane. 
2002AnthraxTerrorists will send white powder in the mail and when you open the envelope, it will go POUFF in the air and kill you. 
2002West Nile VirusYou will get bit by a mosquito, and die. 
2003SARS The only thing worse than contracting Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome, would be visiting a hospital where all the nurses carry it. Don’t go to Scarborough. On the bright side, the Rolling Stones might visit your city to cheer you up. 
2005Avian Flu Birds will fall out of the sky, and kill you! 
2006E-Coli in the food supplyRomaine lettuce and carrot juice might kill you….better to stick to Doritos and beer. 
2008Financial collapseEveryone’s home will be foreclosed upon. 
2009Swine Flu is going to kill us. Flying pigs will fall from the sky, and kill you. 
2012Mayan CalendarThe Mayan Calendar predicts the world will end; and although we have never trusted or cared about anything the Mayans had to say before, we are pretty sure this is the one thing they were right about. 
2013North Korea is going to start WW3 by dropping a nuclear bomb on California. Either WW3 will start, which would be bad, or Dennis Rodman would appoint himself America’s North Korean ambassador, go to North Korea, and persuade them to stop their nuclear program. Much to the chagrin of professional diplomats around the globe, Rodman went to Korea and convinced them to stop. Later, he endorsed Donald Trump for President. 
This WAS the end of the world, for many people. 
2014Ebola VirusYou will bleed through your eyeballs, your nose and every other opening in your body. This will happen in a public place, and kill everyone around you as you “crash and bleed out.” 
2015ISIS Terrorists so organized they have medical insurance and vacation pay not only want to blow up our cities, but also recruit our daughters as soldiers’ wives. 
2016Zika VirusBabies will be born with very small heads. 
2017Donald TrumpThe Russians will invade Alaska and take over Facebook. Madonna will blow up the White House. 
2018Donald TrumpTrump might do a half decent job and earn re-election. 
2019Donald Trump Trump might continue to do a half decent job an earn re-election. 
2020Corona VirusTHANK GOD we have something to blame on Donald Trump, just in time to ensure he does not get re-elected. Whew! THAT was lucky. If Corona Virus doesn’t kill you, the ventilator or the vaccine will, so you are just doomed no matter what, but at least Trump is not president. 
2021FascismThe urgent need to control Corona Virus means you will be forced to have untested substances injected into your body. 
You will have to show proof of your injection status to your employer, the police, the US border guards, the hostess at Swiss Chalet, or anyone else who asks. 
Your kids will miss months of school, organized sports, friends, family, holidays and special events. 
Your small business will need to be closed and/or bankrupted. 
You will be forced to listen to Justin Trudeau call you a selfish, racist, misogynistic gramma killer….and believe that he actually won re-election.
You will need to accept that fact that anything you do to protest might land you in a quarantine camp.
2022People start using common sense and thinking for themselves. Actually, this only scares politicians and members of the media. 
It definitely terrifies them, though.
Happy New Year!