Monday, February 26, 2024
Photo: Taxi News
Laugh a LittleOpinion/Column

Global Warming – whoops, Climate Change – predictions from 2009

Crabby but correct, cabbie Hans Wienhold called it all in 2009

This post was originally published on Saturday, March 28, 2009


I hear incandescent light bulbs are going to be banned.

I’ve not had a great experience with these energy efficient light bulbs. I have found that they don’t last as long as the old-fashioned incandescent ones. They come with a seven-year guarantee, but I can never find the receipt or packaging when I need it… it’s been recycled.

I have also heard that if you accidentally break one you have to call in a Hazmat team to clean up the mercury (when the greens say they will “create jobs,” Hazmat companies must rejoice. It’s like saying we can create thousands of jobs for newly hired fire fighters by lighting huge piles of tires on fire. Kind of like Obamanomics no?)

I notice they have installed some funny kind of system in the toilets in my apartment. To save water, I think.

The only problem now is I have to flush about five times to get the job done. I have found a solution though… I fill up a bucket of water and keep it in the tub to assist the flushing process…. I got the idea when I saw the technique employed in a low carbon footprint country… communist Cuba. (It was in a hut on the beach…. one of the few with an indoor toilet… but no running water. The rest of the neighbours had a much better method of saving water… outhouses built just a few yards into the ocean… just around the bend from the tourist beach.)

They used to have showers at the gym I go to. I don’t know where they have gone. They have been replaced by sprinklers. I could take my plants to the gym and water them there I suppose. (but I don’t have any plants – honest!)

Will, “I am going to take a sprinkle,” make into our lexicon? Or would it be too ambiguous?

As for cleaning the sweat off after a workout well, I guess we can always try spitting up in the air.

Hmmm…  a lot of municipalities impose restrictions on when you can water your lawn… I can’t wait until they mandate smart water meters… so you can only take one shower a week.

Did you see that video of that British, “climate change,” activist throwing green custard on a U.K. government official?

You know… I am getting the impression that these global warming alarmists are starting to realize that their scam is finally starting to fizzle. Maybe it’s just me but I detect a subtle change in their choice of words… from “Global Warming,” to “Climate Change.” I think they are hedging their bets.

In a few years, no one will hear of global warming anymore. It will all be climate change… whether the planet is getting hotter, or cooler won’t matter, it will still be “man made,” of course.  Climate change has been just such a wonderful opportunity for politicians and anti-capitalist activists to expand their power and budgets.

Don’t worry, the words “regulate,” “ban,” “tax,” “control,” “restrict,” “mandate,” will still be around. And you can take that to the bank…. you know, where your dollarettes are stored.

…and perhaps even “arrest,” “jail,” “hang,” and “throw custard at,” or better, “throw Barack Obama at,” (ouch!) might be added. 

MacDonald’s will offer a new prize in their Monopoly contest…. a free Burger and enough carbon credits to obtain one!

Once the clueless Schmoes who make up the majority of voters have fully absorbed this dogma, we’ll move on to the next step…. man made weather change. Your little league game got rained out? Blame it on the richest guy in your town…

Of course, when we reach that point the richest guy in town will be like the hated Kulak (a well-to-do peasant farmer in Russia who profited from the labor of poor peasants and opposed the Soviet collectivization of the land), our standard of living will have truly tanked.

The Kulak was the rich guy who had two cows. In our future, the rich guy with two cows will be the one who can afford to buy enough carbon credits from Al Gore to pay for the evil cow farts.

The politicians will come up with a new idea then…. tradeable rain credits….

Of course, Al Gore and friends will “offset” their rain guilt by storing water in their indoor swimming pools.


Retired Taxi driver Hans Wienhold identifies as a Welfare Recipient at Senior’s Welfare; Self-Employed; and also, a Climate Scientist at BS Detective Services.

His book “Confessions of a Hamilton Cab Driver,” is available on Amazon in hardcover or paperback.