Toronto Cabbies, don’t drop $80K—your new ride’s a clown car

“Don’t fund the flop” writer urges

Submitted by Shangox – author unknown

Toronto cabbies, let’s get real—spending $80,000 on a new rig in 2025 is like buying a front-row ticket to a Leafs Stanley Cup parade: a hilarious fantasy that ends in tears.

That cash could snag you a cottage up north or a lifetime of butter tarts, but instead, you’re eyeing a gleaming van to ferry drunks from King West to nowhere?

Wake up—Uber’s turned your hustle into a circus, and $80K just buys you a clown car with no audience. Think about it—your new $80K whip rolls off the lot, all chrome and hope, only to sit at Union Station while Uber’s bots zip fares away faster than a raccoon snags garbage.

You’ll be polishing hubcaps, muttering about Rob Ford’s ghost, while some AI rig with a smug beep drops fares for half your rate.

That van’s resale value tanks $30K by next winter—congrats, you’ve financed a very pricey toboggan. The city’s no lifeline either—council’s too busy banning plastic straws to notice your meter’s stuck at 1999 rates. Gas at $2/litre? Your $80K guzzler’s a thirsty moose, chugging loonies while Uber’s electric drones (yep, 2035’s knocking) buzz overhead, fare-free for all you know.

Riders aren’t loyal—they’ll ditch your “Cash Only” sermon for an app that doesn’t smell like yesterday’s shawarma. You’re not a driver; you’re a museum exhibit with a worse pension.

Here’s the kicker—blow that $80K on a food cart slinging maple-glazed bacon instead. Cabbies could rule Toronto’s streets with grease, not grief—one whiff, and Uber’s bots can’t compete.

Dropping $80K on a ride’s a punchline—your fares are gone, and the only tip’s this: save your cash, laugh at the con, and let the clowns in Silicon Valley drive off the cliff.

A Toronto cabbie’s life is a sitcom—don’t fund the flop.