What If Canada negotiated with America the Dale Carnegie way?

Allow others to save face; begin with a point of agreement

by Paul Kearley

With Canada and the United States facing another difficult chapter in our trade relationship, I’ve been thinking about something that may seem a little unusual: What if Canada approached these negotiations using the principles of Dale Carnegie?

Not because we should be passive.

Quite the opposite.

Carnegie understood that influencing people isn’t about overpowering them. It’s about understanding them.

And I think that distinction could be valuable for Canada right now.

Instead of beginning with, “Here’s what America is doing to us,” perhaps we should begin with, “What is America trying to accomplish?”

American leaders want stronger domestic manufacturing. They want secure supply chains. They want American jobs and economic growth. They want to reduce vulnerabilities.

Canada wants many of the same things.

That gives us common ground.

Listen before we argue

Rather than telling Americans why their position is wrong, ask:

“What would success look like for you?”

Then listen.

Once we understand what the other side really wants, we may discover that Canada can help America achieve those objectives without sacrificing Canadian interests.

Never make the other side lose face

One of Carnegie’s most important lessons was that people don’t like being told they’re wrong.

International negotiations are no different.

If we force America to choose between admitting defeat and continuing the fight, we shouldn’t be surprised when it continues the fight.

A better solution allows both countries to walk away saying, “We protected our interests.”

Find the common “yes”

Canada and America have enormous differences, but we also share an extraordinary amount.

We share a continent, supply chains, energy systems, businesses, families, communities and friendships.

Perhaps instead of framing this as Canada versus America, we should frame it as Canada and America competing together in a world that is becoming increasingly competitive.

Be firm without being hostile

Dale Carnegie never suggested that being respectful meant surrendering your position.

Canada can be absolutely clear:

We will defend Canadian interests. We will respond when necessary. We will protect our sovereignty.

But we can do all of that without insulting our neighbours.

That’s strength with restraint.

And perhaps that is where Canada has an opportunity.

America is very good at projecting power.

Canada could demonstrate something different: the power of composure, credibility, relationship and respect.

Our objective shouldn’t be to beat our American cousins.

It should be to help them discover that having a strong Canada beside them is better than having a weakened Canada across the negotiating table.

Because countries, like people, rarely change because we’ve told them they’re wrong.

They change when we help them see a better choice.

Maybe that’s the Dale Carnegie lesson Canada needs right now.