Five Ways to Guarantee Loneliness

Paul Kearley shares “The Anti-Friendship Guide”

“You can make more friends in 10 minutes by becoming genuinely interested in them than you can in ten years by trying to get them interested in you.”

Dale Carnegie

I never really felt like he liked me, though I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. It was just a gut feeling. Every time I was close enough for a simple “hello” or a handshake, he would always turn away, start chatting with someone else, or simply ignore me. It was so obvious and predictable.

As far as I knew, I hadn’t done anything to warrant his behavior. Interestingly, many others seemed to like him and got along great with him, but we just never clicked. It didn’t bother me much; I simply got used to it. Whenever we crossed paths, I’d just give him a nod or a quick “hi.” It seemed like we had an unspoken agreement to be cool and distant with each other.

Then, a few weeks ago, something strange happened. I was walking to the post office, lost in my thoughts, when he approached me with a big, painted-on smile and said, “Hello, how are you today?” He walked beside me for a few minutes, trying to chat. I was instantly suspicious.

A day or so later, I saw him again, handing out flyers by a doorway. There were two people, one on each side of the door, so I naturally took a flyer from the other guy, shook his hand, and started to go inside. Suddenly, I heard a booming voice, “Hey, what’s the matter? Aren’t you going to shake my hand?” There he stood, hand outstretched, with that same painted smile. Everyone around turned to see what was happening. So, I shook his hand and went on my way.

Later that day, it hit me: there was an election coming up, and he was running for a position on the council. He wanted my vote. But it was too little, too late.

Unfortunately, our world is full of opportunistic, fair-weather friends who are only nice when they want something from you but disappear when you need them. This kind of one-sided friendship isn’t something I wanted to be part of. You don’t need people in your life who are only friendly when it suits them. You need positive, supportive people who will encourage you and help build a mutually beneficial relationship where no one feels lesser.

Alternatively, if someone wants to stay aloof and limit their number of friends, here are five things they can do:

1. Ignore people. When they approach you, turn away and pretend to be interested in someone or something else. Focus on that spot on the wall until they pass by.
2. Make every conversation about yourself. Tell people how great you are and keep reminding them.
3. Always have a better story. If someone talks about their trip to the cottage, boast about your trip to the South or your climb up Mount Everest without oxygen. Make sure your story is always bigger, better, and faster to make them feel insignificant.
4. Criticize, condemn, and complain. Point out people’s mistakes with flair, make jokes at their expense, and always find something to gripe about.
5. Gossip. Talk negatively about others behind their backs, highlighting their faults and weaknesses to anyone who will listen.

This week, if you’re wondering how not to make more friends or connect with people, follow these five guidelines, and you won’t be disappointed.

Make this your best week ever and make an Impact!

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Paul Kearley is a professional leadership, communications and sales coach for businesspeople who are taking command of their career and making an impact. He has worked as a business coach and trainer, Virtual Trainer, and speaker since 1985.

To see eBooks Paul has written, go here: https://payhip.com/PKWalktheTalk